life and confusion

hey every one. i have been thinking a lot. thinkin about a lot of things. infact thinkin so much that i have lost the plot for this post. so i'll do wt i want to convey through this post-" write what i want to"(the post is meant to convey follow your heart and do what it says). soooo.. do what your heart says. steve jobs has told you that. Even chetan bhagat says that. i have been followin that line forever. and i want to do what i like. not what some 1 else decides for me. but am i happy?? well yes. i am happy. not completely but yes i am happy. i hear(not listen) ppl say 'work hard- this is the time- later you need not work hard.' never understood that logic though. i thought there was no subsitute for hard work. how can hard work in initial part of some 1's life compensate it for the rest of it? we'll get back to this later. i was saying i follow my heart. and i do what i like. but can i do this forever. i am a performance tester but i cant be the same for life. i like testing applications for performance and it quite intereting but does my heart say yes this is what i should do? i dont know. i dont know what my heart wants me to do. how do ppl realize that their dream is to become an astrounaut or a cricketer. how did Sachin know he wanted to be a cricketer. well he knew coz he was GOD.:P. where does 1 get motivation to do an mba or an Ms in finance. i am 23 and i dont know when i'll know what i want from my life. Every one in this world is meant to do something. when will i realize the purpose of my life? well i atleast know that i like to read about stuff. trivia interests me. Should i take up quizing?? going by results of my quizzing career- i should strictly stay away. i admire Ramachandra Guha and Mukul Kesavan. i often feel that this is what i want to become. a historian. Some 1 who could speak on the nuclear deal or cricket with the same confidence. but i still dont know if i'll be satisfied. read line 5 if this post-"i am happy, not completely but yes i am happy." my fren once remarked-'apoorv has adjusted to the mediocrities of life'.is this the reason i am happy?? we all laughed then. but i cant now. coz thats the truth. many of my friends feel that i run away from situations. i think i do. i avoid situations. but that is not becuase i am afraid of them. i am afraid of the fact that my presence/words might worsen the situation. while i dont realize that my absense is not helping the cause either. indirectly i am afraid of situations now:(. comin back to the point how are success/happyness/money/satisfaction related? Success is a relative term. money can give me happyness, succes can give me satisfaction. which 1 should i follow? i want money. i want to be rich. but i want satisfaction also. but for satisfaction i need to realize the motive/purpose of my life. what is that i want to do forever. i need to figure it out quickly coz time is running out. jago apoorv jago. this mystery needs to be solved before i surrender to the darkness of this world from where coming back might not be easy.

PS: i totally understand that this is not the right place for such a entry but i am confused. i accept that and i guess i'll stay in this state till i find out reasons for a lot of things in life. please dont suggest a psychiatrist. it is me who needs to search answers. answers that lie within me. i hope there no one 1 in this world who shares the same feeling coz its not a very nice one. i hope i see light at the end of the tunnel some day. and that day should not be far. GOD BLESS ALL.

TRUST

Hello every one. i'll try to keep this post short and let u decide if its sweet/sour(mosly sour+non sense). what is trust??? according to askoxford.com trust is: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone. in simple words if a person believes in u, he trusts u. trust is wt my dad has in me wen he gives me the keys to his car. trust is wt a kid has in her mother wen d kid jumps on the count of 3. trust is actually a huge word. wen we trust some 1 we put a lot on their shoulders. we bcome dependent on them.trust is a huge reposibility. if some 1 is trustin u, respect that trust. it might be a secret, it might be a surprise, it can be anythin under the sun. remember amitabh bachchan in Lakshaya--" yeh vishwas bohot badi ijjat hai".. trust is pride for some 1. it could be the world for some 1 else. some of my friends say that i always trust the wrong ppl and i cant identify true frends. my point is evry one is a frend why shud i identify who is true and who is not? why should i think b4 i trust any 1? why cant evry one in this world be trustworthy?? infact i have realized that even i have broken a lot of ppl's trust. it could hve been wen a fren wanted to have dinner wid me and i ditched him, it could be a secret which i dint keep. in both cases i have broken some 1's trust. he/she would stop beleiving in me. i lost a lot of brownie points there.:P:P. to all those ppl whose trust i have broken(intentionally/unintentionally) plz understand that i dint want to do that. sorry is not my favourite word but i end up using it a lot. jut want to end this with a simple line- 'never break anyone's trust.'

PS: i dont know why i wrote this.
i dont know how i wrote this.
i dont know who wrote this.:P:P
this post is as irregular as it can get. bottom line-i am bad at this too. :(
i hope samajhne wale samajh gaye, jo na samjhe wo anari hai. :):)

Door hat jaooooo.

Hey all, how u guys doin?? Well I had quite a ride from home to chnai. And this weird psych of people here down in dis god forsaken place is just insane. It is actually very difficult to understand. I wonder how pschiatrists run their business here. It is very difficult to put logic in brains here. This thing has been bothering me since I’ve been living here but has become prominent off late. With out wasting much time I’ll get to what actually happned. I was in a bus from home(Kalpakkam) to chennai and the bus reached mammalapuram. I was sitting in the last row of the bus. 6 seats. 3 guys were sitting already. 2 seats empty and then me at the window seat. This guy came in and said 'please move ladies varange'(meanin ladies comin). I asked what? He said please move ladies varange. I said so. He kept sayin ladies varange please move. I understood what he meant. He wanted his ‘ladies’ to sit on the window seat, he next to her and me after him. I wanted the window seat. His lady said leave it and that may b he doesn know tamil. I said I know tamil, that’s not the point. I kept asking him y I should move, as I wanted a reason from him. Which I knew he could not give me. He would not have told me to move if he was logical in his thinking. That lady was 45 may be. That lady was twice my age. HE dint want his woman to sit next to stranger. HE and most men and women like him think that single men are rapists. We single men have been to the state penitionary and have spent a term there for being serial rapists. Or may be he thought we had the power to rape women with our eyes. A women just has to sit next to men like us and she would be sexually harrassed. I wonder if that is so obviuos on our faces. Soon the whole bus was on his side, sayin ‘yenna pa ladies varange’. I was like who d fuck are the ‘ladies’? Is it some alien or some big celebrity. I would have voulantarily got up if it was a couple seat and there was place elsewhere to sit. I am not so inconsiderate. All you like minded women and men with these women, please understand not all men are rapists. There are a few assholes in this world but u don’t blame the whole community. There a lot of normal guys if u really look. Most men are satyriasis, I agree. But we can control our hormones. I mean if I need pleasure I can always find it on the net. There is a lot of porn there. And all you FCP out there. Please grow up. You talk of women empowerement and shit all the time. First work hard for evrything. If you are demanding reservations please understand that reservation is for people who are incapable. In a way you are accepting you are inferior. If that is the case then I have no problem. Why do you need 1 whole side of the bus reserved for you?? You don’t have legs?? Why is it ettiquette to offer seat to a women? Are you weak? Are you not strong enough? Why cant you stand for 20 mins in a bus? And all you girl toppers who used multi color pens in your exams. Just a lil curiuos- where do you think your papers went to?? I hope you know they went to a examiner and not a to beauty pagent. Y did u have to use so many colors. Is it that your answers were inferior and u made up by making it more colorful so that the answer was lost in between. I still wonder how it worked? Wondering if my inferior answers also wud have got more marks with a modern art page in between. Comin bac to this shitty place; This bloody fucked up mentality is an attribute to this city/state. Everybody thinks alike. Even in a share auto a girl feels so insecure. As if all the men are just waitin for a chance to punce on her. This city is so messed up. There is no limit to moral policing. The cops are all over the place wanting to harras you. Where in this world would you have a highway with a speed limit of 40? Pubs and disco close down by 12. The dj stops playing at 1130. The bouncers would pester you untill you pay the bill. How does dancing on a song at 1230 endangering culture and tradtions of TN or India. Or serving better liqour making indian liqour extinct? Its amazing how in TN only govt sells alcohol. Govt authorised shops sell sub standard liqour. One has to go to Pondy or Bangalore. I mean let a person do what he wants. Y impose so many restrictions? As long as the law and order is not in danger what is wrong in any of the above? The whole world is moving ahead and chennai is still stuck. Evrytime I have to take an auto it is such a huge task. Mental torture is the right word. I speak tamil. Fluent tamil and still I have to fight for the right price. If chennai has to grow prople have to accept migrants. As long as chennai cant see cosmopolitan culture this place is going no where. There is this IT expressway- which houses most of the IT companies. Supposed to be a 6 lane highway. They did build it. Of the 3 lanes 1 is used as a parking lot. The other is used by buses. 1 lane express way is what chennai has. With cattle and cyclists always jumping in front of you. I want to know what culture and traditions of chennai/TN is in danger when people party or booze. I always thought chennai has everything a metro should have. But no. I thought I can do everythin what a person can so in b’lore as well but no. Chennai is a very inferior place. I thought I would pay less and chennai is not as costly as B’lore. But I am paying a lot more than what this house is worth. Well actually this a mellowed version. I wish I would have written this when all of this happened. I was listensing to songs and a couple of beautiful songs came up. This song that I heard a few days back. Hum jab honge saath saal ke(Movie Kal aaj aur kal). Beautiful song. This song appears in that SBI Mutual fund ad. Amazing song. And then Iqbal ka Aashayein Aashayein. Amazing lyrics. Truly beautiful. There are some songs which when you here u feel have some eternal connection. Aashayein is one such song. Kuch aisa karke dikha khud khush ho jaye khuda. What a song. Guess I am done. Quite a irregular post. No continuity. Waiting for comments….But please get me out of here.


PS: These thoughts are result of outburst of a lot of frustration. Life has been rude to me in the past weak and more. Please comment logically. Thanks

pyar ishkkk aur mohhaabbat

ladies n gentlmen, i give u the lover boy. no no m not in love and dont intend to fall as well. its just that i've been thinkin a lot tryin to figure out y i dont have a gf or have neva been in a relationship. if this was asked as a 10 mark question in my exam i sure would have pages to write, but somehow they always wanted me to know how current flows through a transistor(which i still dont). but what would i have written in 'those' pages- crap, total crap wid nothin makin sense.(i no m doin the same here, but do u guys hav a choice). coming to the point - my definiton of gf/relationship is very orthodox. i think i come from the old skool of thought and beleev that i need to know a person in and out before fallin in love or just liking her. i see people around who are together jus for the heck of it. just for the sake of bein wid a person is not a valid reeson for bein in a relationship. remember ronan keating-"love me for a reason, let the reason be love'. most relationships around me are built on the fact that they need a person to talk to for long hours/spend money on/get gifts/get some pleasure. the problem with me is that i think a lot of the future. i dont beleev in short term pleasure/advantages but tend to get attracted towards the long term plan. aur aaj tak aisi koi mili nai jisme mai apne time ka longterm investment karun.(grapes are not sour)dobara mat poochnaaa...

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.(ooops, copied the wrong disclaimer)
This is a personal weblog. The opinions expressed here represent my own.In addition, my thoughts and opinions change from time to time…I consider this a necessary consequence of having an open mind. This is in no way intended against people who beleev in short term relationships. These are just my thoughts.The depth of thoughts in this post is indirectly proportional to knowledge i posses on relatonships.

PS: i told ya guys m slow. it took me 1 year 4 months and 29 days to write this.

PPS: i have 4 other posts ready but i dont know when i am gonna publish them :(

my NI exploits

Hello again..

well m true kshtariya I guess.. m following what the ramayan says abt raghu kul. “Raghu kul reeti sada chali aayi, pran jayi par vachan na jayi” (the legacy of raghukul says- keep the promise made, until your death). Promise kept- NI interview it is people. As mentioned in my previous blog(go read it if you haven till now) I was in Delhi for a holiday n was not prepared for an interview. I got this message on the 3rd from elitmus saying I’ve been short listed for an interview with NI on the 6th. I was happy but then I was more worried about the holiday to manali. The trip got delayed again by a day. Got a couple of congratulatory calls from friends. Suggestions pourin in. I effectively dint have no time for preparation. All friends met up on the 5^th( nothing happened on the 4^th) and I and Ritvik went with Gauri to his place in Gurgaon as that would be closer to the place where my interview was. I did not have any formals so took a pair of shoes and a tie from Charul. Bought a pant in Gurgaon and took a shirt from Gauri. All this on 5^th around 830 pm (interview at 930 next morning). And yeah forgot to mention- my resume and hall ticket. I was well prepared with them. Got the printout from Gauri’s dad’s office at 5pm itself. We got to Gauri’s place and I thought I should get online asap n do sum research about NI. But then naaaa. Life me riks lena mangta. Saw TV, had dinner, admired his majestic palatial house and then slept by 2.

I had a nice decent sleep till 1^st of my 5 alarms rang hard. Got up some how and started getting ready. Meanwhile Gauri called for the taxi. I quickly logged n went through some basics (checked my scraps n mail). I read what else NI did other than labview (only then I realized that they do nothing else). I was ready by 830 n so was the taxi. I left and reached by 920 or so. Nice decent place to work in. I mean huge attractive structures and a few more coming up in the vicinity. I met up with ankit whose interview was scheduled for the morning (my interview was at 230. I went early so that I get kicked out early n I can go to manali). We went up and I requested the in charge that I need to go home (manali) in the evening by the 8 o clock flight (830 bus). He said not an issue and put me in the first GD.

We were taken to a room were the GD was supposed to happen. I was surprised to see a senior and another girl from VIT. The lady who was going to evaluate us came in. we introduced ourselves and we got the topic “MBA – passport to success”. 2 min and we start. Everybody got onto their writing pads. Even I wrote something (cant tell you what). This guy started and spoke well. I mean clean accent, fluent, and well drafted sentences. And then 1 by 1 everybody spoke. Oh I forgot. This by the way was my 1^st GD ever. So ya I was a bit nervous. I was may be the 6^th or 7^th person to speak. The only 2 sentences I said in the whole GD were 1.“ we do have good managers who don have an MBA. For example the dabbawalas of Bombay who have the 6 sigma ratings with them din do no mba, in fact have taught lessons at business schools. But then yes MBA does add professionalism to corporate business” (this was when the discussion was on if mba means good managers) and 2. “success surely is a relative term and cant be generalized with how lucrative the job offer is, coz quite often the students who get the top placement end opening their own restaurants and travel agencies”( applause applause). That’s all I’d to say. My final concluding remark was that for success- MBA might be a necessity but not a compulsion. We came out. I was quite happy. I thought I’ll get through but MANALI was still all over my brain. The elitmus representative came out. Called in 3 names. And then said “last is that guy from Vellore who had to go back today”. Hurrraaayyyyy. I’m through. He asked others to come back the next day at 10, and me to come back by 1330 and that he’ll try to sneak my interview when ever they get free as the actual interview panel was flying in from b’lore the next day.

I left with ankit for PVR saket which he(and many others) told me is a target rich environment. I gobbled upon a McVeggei burger with fries and coke. I love junk food. We went round that place in search of more targets but were not very lucky. I got back to NI by 1 or so.

A lot of people kept coming in for GDs. I kept waiting waiting and waiting. In between I distinctly remember this very sweet girl from NIT who sat next to me for some time. Petite, harmless, sweet. I tried hard to read her name but in vain. I wanted to talk more but she left after her GD. I sat waiting for my interview.

Finally the female called me in at 430. Nice decent start. Picked up pace slowly. I was totally in form. Answering almost all questions very confidently-HR(88.5) or Technical(11.5). It was quite close to that line from andaz apna apna- unka eik sawaal mere do jawaab, sawaal eik jawaab do sawaal eik jawaab do(sorry for the RCD*) . suddenly this guy comes out of no where disturbing my interview to talk to the lady. I excused both of them n they talked for a min. For some reason the guy also came in and started asking questions. Weird bad questions (I din know the answer to them). he screwed my happyness on the thermocouple effect. he basically proved me wrong. The lady then explained what the job profile was like and that would involve sales but technical also. So she asked me to jus pick up anything from the room and sell it to them. I picked up a bisleri and tried my best to sell it. They bargained so hard that they got me from 35 for a can to 25. The two simply would not listen. I gave them their happy price of 25 and sighed. Bottomline—I’m a bad salesperson. don’t buy anything from me. She told me to wait as I would have another round. I waited for 20 min, gained sympathy from the guard and cleaner at NI. She came smiled and said “ u can leave, in case there’s another round we’ll have it over the telephone”( dere cun’t have been a more polite way of saying go back home kid,your rejected). I called up everybody n said I’m free. Gauri said he would pick me up from saket. I reached PVR again(my pick up point). Dunno why but Guari somehow is always under the impression that people love waiting for him. I sat there again searching for potential targets. He should change his name to Gaurang always late Sethi. But then I thank him from the bottom of my heart that he took me and Ritvik safely to his house (where Jayant-his friend for 17 years hasn been yet) and got us back to mayur vihar. That people was an ELABORATE account of my NI exploits(I told you that’s the right word).

Keep reading

*RCD is Repetitive Compulsive Disorder

my first holiday

hello everybody
As i'm fresh form an amazing trip to manali, there could not have been a better way to start blogging(if that word exists). this trip was my first proper holiday as i've never been on a total liesure trip till date. since mid april lot of planning(only planning and no serious application) had
been put in to ensure that this trip would not turn into a disaster(as incase of most of our trips involving a lot of people). i've seen wrong people ending up together on trips and screwin up their time and more importantly money. i some how hate unplanned trips and try to follow a fixed itinerary. i don tak suspense, delays, shocks when m travelling quite easily. but this trip was different. nothin was planned. infact till the last date we were not sure if we were leaving that day.

To start off, after lot of confusion, cancellations and reservations i finally booked tickets to delhi for the 30th of may. my maiden journey by a rajdhani. i love travellin, be it alone or in a group. i reached chennai central in time for my train which was supposed to leave @ 610. a friend was going to meet me and tak some stuff of his. i got to my seat- coupe D seat 12, H1( i thought it was worth mentioning). AC first class of train no 2433 chennai - hazrat nizammudin rajdhani express. i have never travelled in AC first class before and had to do it once jus for the heck of it. the coupe was empty n i checked the charts if there was anybody else in the coupe(and many other things too). the train left chennai on time. the waiters got me bottled water and sum chocolates. 15 minutes into the journey a person came up to me and requested for a seat change. i said fine and left my all private saloon to end up in a cabin which had 2 ladies. a lady with her daughter, both going to jammu to meet up with their husband/dad respectively. the waiters got the breakfast soon and man was it a royal treat. nice tasty food(generally rarety on a train). they keep filling your stomach up at equal intervals till you get bored of eating. there was a proper 4 course lunch, a evening drink and den again a 4 course dinner. i had a nice sleep till 630hrs when the waiter got bed tea. a simple breakfast followed at about 830 and the train reached its destination at 1240, 2 and half ours late.

i had to reach old delhi station to take a train to sirsa where my sister stays. the train from delhi was on time and reached sirsa about an hour late. got to my sisters place. played with my kid niece. nothin much that i did in sirsa except for visiting the sirsa airforce station. saw the cockpit of a mig-21 bison( the aircraft that my brother-in-law flies). amazing piece of machine i must say. beautiful avionics(thats what he said). there cant be a better job in this world. to fly that thing everyday, defy gravity and other forces.

i returned from sirsa on the 3rd and got to charul's place where ritvik had reached the same morning. a beautiful house in mayur vihar. all the dilli wale met up on the 5th and i travelled in the delhi metro for the first time. simply amazing. the best way to travel in a crowded city like delhi. delhi metro makes you feel that YES we are DEVELOPing. comin back to where i was, we were supposed to leave on the 5th but i suddenly got a call from NI for an interview on the 6th. so the trip got delayed again. The mail said it would be a 2 day process for which i was so not prepared. i'd come here for a holiday not for an interview. well i did go to NI and did lot of things that i was not supposed to(details of the NI interview in the next blog). i finished my work and called up everybody saying we are leaving for manali TODAY. gaurang picked me up and took to me to charul's place, where most of my lugagge was.

i packed in ultra fast mode and we left for ISBT. chandigarh was our first stop. at about 515 hrs we reached chandigarh where after 1 hour and a lot of discussions we decided to tak a bus to manali. the journey was simply spectacular. mountains on both sides and a river flowing in the valley. majestic/splendid/fentabulous are all understatements(though i was shit scared on those very scary hilly roads). driving on such roads is an achievement according to me.
manali had to wait till 1830 hrs before it could see 6 young, bright engineers admire its beauty(i dunno where that line came from). huge tall trees, nice breeze, a pretty busy market with tourists and hotels all round-- thats manali. we put our luggage in a hotel, freshend up n got out to explore the town and to plan our visit. a simple dinner and a nice cozy sleep concluded the day.

the next day we were supposed to leave for rohtang pass at about 0500hrs, and after the typical delays by some people(read gaurang), we left by 0550hrs. the road was simply *******(my favorite adjective which is generally censored in public). huge green mountains, river flowing in the valley at a decent pace with smooth round stones in its path. snow tipped mountain at a distance. i'd seen all of this only in tv or in photos. never in 3D. after a brief stop for breakfast(maggi time- the 2 minute noodle) we reached rohatng pass- zero point 13050 feet( i hope i got that right gauri) at 9 or so. snow snow everywhere all of it to play. the last time i saw ice was in my coffee at the CCD in delhi. but yeah there was a difference in the quantity. i and tyagi put our skiing gears on and our guide taught us the basics. after a couple of warming up runs, we had a race which i comprehensively lost. i fell half way through while tyagi fell at three fourth the distance. the only tried and trusted way of stopping d ski was to just fall over. one by one in PAIRS we TRIED to ski. we put our skiing gear in our taxi and moved to beas kund where the river beas originates. the glacier slowly melting into a river. a little down on our descent we
stopped for paragliding. all others flew into the sky for a 3 minute ride which surely would have had a huge rush of adrenaline. we got back to manali by 3 or so. the same night we went to hadimba temple and gatotkach temple(mai hoon gatotkach mai duniya me sabse nirala). a big dinner and den v dozed of on our respective beds.

nothin was planned for the next day and so after breakfast we went to a travel agent. he arranged for a trip to manikaran and river rafting. in about 20 min we took off. i mean that literally because the driver was driving at 70 odd on hilly terrain. he was getting us prepared for the flow and speed that the river would offer. everybody pumped up, puttin our life jackets and helmets on. abhishek and gaurang had done rafting before in rishikesh. other four were all
new to this. we got onto the raft and slowly into the middle of river, picking up speed and boom into a rapid. the water was COLD. very soon all of us drenched n shiverin everytime water splashed onto us. the 10km ride in d raft was the best ride in any form of transport i've ever had. multi ******** is too small a adjective to define that experience. after the rafting we headed to manikaran. gurudwara manikaran sahib is a beautiful gurudwara on the banks of river parvati. the river was flowing FAST. we had to be a bit(tiny little bit) louder than normal to get heard. i'd never been to a gurudwara before. a serene clean place of worship. we then had our lunch at the langar. the whole concept is so noble. the kadhi was just amazing. the temple complex also had hot water springs where most of the cooking was done. just imagine this- the cold river water and right next to it hot boiling water. nature at its best. the last stop was an ancient Ram temple. the taxi took us back to manali.

3rd n final day in manali we went to the vashishta temple. nature park was our final destination. we clicked photos. gauri and ritvik suggested that we play hide n seek and after deciding on the boundaries in say 10 min, i was the first den. 6 engineering graduates- a couple going for their mba programme, a couple in their dream jobs and the last two into india's largest IT company, playing HIDE N SEEK. it doesnt end here. picture this- amit tyagi does skiing- no problem. he paraglides - no problem. he does river rafting- no problem. he plays hide n seek-- big problem. his ankle gets twisted which turned into a bad ligament tear. he always loved being called langda tyagi. the name fits him better now. we boarded the bus bac to delhi and reached by 1030. we went to charul's place again and from there ritvik took his train back home. gaurang dropped me at the airport from where i took my KINGFISHER(you know the reason thats in caps) airlines flite to chennai. back home by 1 am on the 12th of june 2008. this ladies and gentlemen was my first holiday....



PS:please leave comments.as promised next blog would be about my exploits(thats surely the right word) at the NI interview.. so keep readin.. haf fun..